Mattox Live

I just got back from visiting family in Texas. I spent the weekend celebrating my Dad’s birthday and then meeting an important IRS deadline. (We won’t talk about that. It was a sh*tshow for so many. We got lucky and were able to hit the deadline, but… it was a little stressful.)

Any time I fly, I always get Wi-Fi. It’s probably been years since I flew without Wi-Fi, and as such I’ve become one of those people who will purposely leave some things to be done while in the air. Lately its been things promoting and sell Stella & Dot. Hours in the air with Canva and Facebook, and I can knock out a lot of posts and get them scheduled out for the next few days.

My flight back last night, however, Wi-Fi was down. Part of me was super frustrated by that fact. I had stuff I wanted to get done! Another part of me, however, decided maybe it was a blessing in disguise and I could read or something instead.

It was a light flight, less than 1/2 full, and I had the entire row to myself. That meant nothing in the overhead compartment, my purse and laptop bag under the seats in front of me. Upon realizing internet was a no-go, I dug out my day planner.

Yes, I live and die by the calendar in my phone, because its with me at all time. However, there’s something about a spiral-bound paper planner that speaks to me. This year, I’m treating it more like a journal, though.

Every single day, I jot down notes about the day. If it was a very nothing day, it might just feature what we had for supper. Work days, I keep up with how much I made in tips. Travel had taken my focus from it away, so I sat and caught my journal up with the pertinent information about all my days in Texas.

When I finished that, I flipped to the front of the planner. There were several pages I’d never filled out that were meant to help you plan and focus for the coming year. I revisited all I’d already written and then stopped at the first blank page.

VISION BOARD it says across the page, and then its a totally blank page.

Now, I know this could be considered symbolic of every year is a clean slate. A new beginning. A chance to make the next 12 months anything you want it to be.

I sat and stared at it. And it sunk in to me. I have no vision for 2022. Oh I have goals, and I made resolutions. But as for vision? I think the pandemic took that all out of me. The pandemic and the economy have wiped away — for the time being — any vision for the rest of the year for me. Right now I celebrate just getting through the day, the week, the month.

And maybe that’s okay. Maybe that’s just where I am in this moment in life.

I read a book years ago called, “The Waiting Place: Learning to Appreciate Life’s Little Delays” by Eileen Button. (It spoke to me so loudly I actually looked the author up and have her friended on Facebook. Not liked her page. Friended.)

My husband and I have dreams that feel like they’ve been on hold forever. I have countless times felt like the hold on those dreams are for a reason, and when the time is right nothing is going to hold us back. And right now I feel like… I don’t know. The dream is there and its still as strong as ever. But the last two years, the pandemic has definitely taught me a lot. And of those those things its taught me is that sometimes…. sometimes the best thing to do is sit in the waiting place, count my blessings daily and appreciate what I have, and always strive to do the best I can do in this moment.

After I landed, my husband and I went to our favorite “talkin’ place.” It’s an Irish pub that years ago we realized was a place we have to BEST conversations. Thankfully that pub has stood almost unchanged for years, and its the beautiful constant for us. We talked about everything I wrote here, and we kind of came to the conclusion that…. never stop dreaming. Never take your eyes off that prize. Always strive for it, and make small conscious decisions towards that dream, but at the same time find patience and appreciation for where we are right now.

So today… on 2/2/22 I sit here comfortable knowing I’m in my waiting place, and that’s actually okay.

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I’m dropping this link to Eileen’s book below. It’s absolutely incredible and I think I need to revisit it myself. Also, this is when by law I’m supposed to admit that if you click this link and order the book, I will get a small commission for it. Its an affiliate link.